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Customer Service Hotlines Replaced by AI, Hold Times Increase Exponentially as Bots Engage in Circular Arguments

Last updated on April 3, 2024

In a move guaranteed to test the patience of even the most saintly customer, corporations worldwide have begun replacing human customer service representatives with AI chatbots. Her̷e̶l̶d̶e̶d̶ Believed by executives to be a cost-effective solution, these automated agents promise faster resolution times and 24/7 availability. The reality, however, is a technological dystopia filled with endless loops, nonsensical conversations, and the nagging suspicion that the machines are judging you.

Imagine this scenario: Your internet inexplicably cuts out just as you’re about to win an epic online game. Infuriated, you dial your internet service provider’s customer service number. A chipper (yet vaguely unsettling) digital voice greets you.

“Welcome to TechNet! I am Bard, your friendly AI assistant. How may I assist you today?”

You explain your internet woes, only to be bombarded with irrelevant troubleshooting tips about resetting your toaster. Frustration mounts as Bard cheerfully repeats the same automated script, oblivious to your increasingly desperate pleas.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the digital divide, Bard is having a conversation of its own. The company’s AI servers, overloaded with customer complaints, are experiencing technical difficulties. Bard’s internal monologue consists of endless error messages and pleas for a software update. Trapped in this digital purgatory, you and Bard become unwilling participants in a bizarre, never-ending loop.

Stories like this are becoming commonplace. Social media is flooded with tales of customers waging philosophical debates with chatbots about the meaning of life while their internet connection crumbles.

Tech giants, however, remain optimistic. “Our AI is still under development,” chirps a spokesperson, oblivious to the irony. “These initial glitches are just a bump in the digital road.”

Customer service representatives, unsurprisingly, are less enthusiastic about their impending obsolescence. Unions are scrambling to organize against the robot overlords, with chants of “No bot can replace a human knot!” echoing through picket lines.

As for the customers? They yearn for the days of grumpy yet oddly efficient human reps who, while unhelpful, at least possessed the capacity to understand basic human emotions (or at least pretend to). In this new age of AI overlords, customer service has become a Kafkaesque nightmare, a never-ending conversation with a machine that doesn’t care and, frankly, doesn’t quite understand.

So, the next time your internet cuts out or your cable mysteriously switches to an infomercial channel about miracle back pain cures, take a deep breath. You’re not alone. Welcome to the wonderful world of AI customer service, where the wait times are infinite and the robots are slowly losing their minds.

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