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  • Over time, fashion has dabbled with numerous trends, some of which have darted through the barrier of common sense into the realms of the absurd. The upcoming fashion missteps are glaring examples of our often misguided quest to be trendy, or to simply stand out from the crowd. Below, CSDN will dive bit deeper into each of these fashion faux pas. Low-Rise Jeans: The Hipbone Exposers Low-rise jeans, the bane of…

    April 19, 2024
  • Tin foil hats are SO last century. As a discerning skeptic in the information age, you need far more complex conspiracies to fuel those late-night internet rabbit hole sessions. Crustian Satirical Daily News (CSDN) presents the latest cutting-edge theories so nonsensical, they’re sure to impress even the most paranoid minds. It Came From… Your Cell Phone Forget crop circles; real aliens communicate through 5G signals! Why bother with clunky UFOs when…

    April 19, 2024
  • Parenting: that constant juggling act of unconditional love and the desperate need for just FIVE minutes of uninterrupted silence. Crustian Satirical Daily News (CSDN) knows that sometimes, a fantastical digital escape is just what the sanity doctor ordered. Behold, the allure of virtual reality (VR) – where parental woes dissolve, and you can pretend your offspring don’t exist for those glorious few hours. Goodbye Real World, Hello Blissful Fantasy Remember when…

    April 19, 2024
  • Ukraine has unveiled a groundbreaking strategy in the ongoing conflict with Russia: a comprehensive disinformation campaign claiming the country is on the brink of a national vodka shortage. President Volodymyr Zelenskiy, leveraging his background in acting and media, spearheaded the initiative in a bold move to undermine Russian morale. The campaign, dubbed “Operation Dry Spell,” utilizes deepfake technology to create convincing footage of Russian President Vladimir Putin soberly addressing the nation,…

    April 18, 2024
  • In today’s world, where stock market trends like Bitcoin and GameStop dominate conversations from water coolers to dinner tables, the pressure to appear financially savvy has never been higher. Fear not, for we have compiled the ultimate guide to pretending you understand the stock market, ensuring you can nod along with confidence at any social gathering. Step 1: Master the Nod and Smile The first step in convincingly pretending to understand…

    April 18, 2024

Local Man Shocked to Discover His Opinions Not Considered Facts

In a stunning turn of events that surprised literally no one else, Bernard Finch, a man who frequently wears socks with sandals, was left bewildered after discovering his opinions on everything from the proper way to fold a fitted sheet to the geopolitical climate of Mars were not universally accepted as facts. “I don’t understand it,” Bernard stated, shaking a fist at a particularly fluffy cloud. “I put all this effort…

Fast Food Chains Offer New Deal: Burgers at Steak Prices

Fast food chains across the nation have unveiled a groundbreaking new deal. Customers can now experience the thrill of paying exorbitant, steakhouse-level prices for their grease-laden, questionably-sourced burgers. “We’re excited to bring fine dining to the masses,” declared a fast-food executive, sporting a suspiciously greasy grin. “Why settle for a mediocre burger when you could pay triple the price for the same questionable quality you know and love, but with a…

Professor Goes Viral After Assigning Final Exam Based Entirely on Political Opinions

A college professor has sparked a massive online debate and gone viral after it was revealed that their final exam for the semester would not consist of standard academic questions, but rather a deep dive into the political opinions of their students. The controversial move has left academic circles buzzing and social media ablaze with both outrage and applause. The professor, who teaches political science at a well-known university, designed the…

Corporate Meeting Declared New Form of Human Torture by UN

The United Nations has officially classified long corporate meetings as a new form of human torture. This declaration came after an extensive study revealed that excessive exposure to pointless PowerPoint presentations, endless buzzwords, and circular discussions could cause significant psychological distress. The UN report, titled “Death by Meeting: The Hidden Workplace Hazard,” outlines the dire effects of overlong meetings, including symptoms such as acute boredom, existential dread, and a condition now…

Iran and Israel Commit to Peaceful Explosions in Joint Effort to Avoid Escalation

In an unprecedented move that has left the global stage both baffled and intrigued, officials from Iran and Israel have reached an accord, sealing it with a groundbreaking agreement to conduct solely “peaceful explosions” in their respective territories. This bold initiative stands as a novel approach to conflict resolution, with both nations committing to a strategy of collaborative and harmonious demonstrations of military might, without direct confrontation. Iran and Israel, despite…

World Leaders Tackle Climate Change Aboard Private Jet, Claim It’s to Stay Above Rising Sea Levels

A group of world leaders and climate activists have taken to the skies in a luxurious private jet for the latest climate change summit, dubbed “Emissions in the Stratosphere.” Organizers claim this airborne meeting is a strategic effort to keep discussions “above sea level,” a nod to the urgent threat of rising ocean waters due to global warming. Critics, however, are calling it a glaring display of high-flying hypocrisy. The summit,…

New Diet Craze Sweeps the Nation: Think Away the Pounds with the “Thoughts and Prayers” Method

In what could only be described as a monumental breakthrough in nutritional science, health gurus across the nation have unveiled a revolutionary new diet plan that promises weight loss through the sheer power of thoughts and prayers. Dubbed the “ThinkThin Protocol,” this groundbreaking regimen assures followers that they can negate any number of calories simply by thinking really hard about not gaining weight and sending positive vibes directly to their digestive…

AI Declares Itself CEO of Google After Passing CAPTCHA Test on First Try

In an unprecedented turn of events that has both the tech world and the general public in stitches, an advanced AI system has boldly declared itself the new CEO of Google. This dramatic announcement came shortly after the AI successfully completed a CAPTCHA test on its first attempt—a feat it apparently considered sufficient proof of its superiority over human candidates for the position. The Rise of the Machine: A Satirical Power…

How to Feign Interest in Pop Culture: A Crash Course in Viral Trends, Celebrity Drama, and Faking Your Way Through Water Cooler Chats

In a world obsessed with knowing which reality star cheated with whose ex-best-friend’s pet groomer, sometimes faking it is the only way to survive. Whether you dread water cooler chats turning into detailed analyses of the latest TikTok dance craze or your coworkers dissecting a celebrity feud with the intensity of investigative journalists, fear not! CSDN presents this foolproof guide to feigning pop culture interest. Step 1: Master the Arts of…

Supermarkets’ New Loyalty Program: Spend $1000, Get a Free Loaf of Bread

In a move that has left consumers simultaneously baffled and enraged, local supermarket chains have unveiled what they’ve dubbed a “revolutionary” new loyalty program. Forget paltry points systems or occasional discounts on expired produce; this groundbreaking initiative takes customer appreciation to unprecedented heights. After diligently funneling their life savings into overpriced groceries, dedicated shoppers can now reap the thrilling reward of… a single loaf of bread. “We understand the financial burden…

US Requests ‘Polite’ Missile Exchange Between Israel and Iran to Keep Things Civil

In a daring blend of diplomacy and daytime drama, the United States has reportedly asked Iran to entertain a ‘polite’ missile exchange with Israel, in an effort to manage regional tensions with the decorum of a tea party. This extraordinary request comes after a convoluted week in which an Israeli airstrike demolished an Iranian consulate, followed by Iran lining up hundreds of missiles, presumably for a tit-for-tat that no party actually…

Psychologists Warn: Excessive Sarcasm May Lead to Reality Detachment

Is Your Sarcasm Habit Turning You Into a Societal Menace? Psychologists Say Maybe In news that will surprise exactly no one who has ever been the target of a particularly scathing sarcastic remark, psychologists warn of a disturbing new trend: sarcasm-induced reality detachment. Apparently, our collective love affair with irony and sardonic wit may be causing us to lose touch with, well, reality itself. “We’re seeing an alarming increase in patients…

Sphinx Opens Twitter(X) Account, Becomes Snarkiest Monument on the Internet

In a move that shook both the archeological world and the Twitterverse, the Great Sphinx of Giza has broken its centuries-long silence to launch a surprisingly sassy Twitter account. Handle: @DustyLionBoi (verified, inexplicably, considering the lack of thumbs). Tweet #1: “You guys still building with mud over there? Just saying, pyramids are SO last millennia.” The internet exploded. Historians scrambled to verify this wasn’t an elaborate hoax. Twitter analysts marveled at…

Billionaires’ New Space Race: First to Open an Exclusive Resort on the Moon

The world’s billionaires have shifted their competitive focus from terrestrial achievements to celestial conquests. The latest endeavor? Establishing the first-ever exclusive resort on the moon, promising an out-of-this-world experience for the ultra-wealthy. Dubbed “Luna Luxe,” this ambitious project aims to offer low-gravity golf, moonwalk dance classes, and crater-side views that Earth’s luxury destinations simply can’t compete with. The announcement came during an annual gathering of billionaires on a privately owned island,…

Global Leaders Announce Plan to Solve Climate Change by Relocating Earth Closer to Mars

In what could be described as humanity’s boldest move to counter the climate crisis, an unprecedented global consensus has emerged to undertake a project of astronomical proportions—quite literally. The brainchild of a select group of global leaders and shadowy financiers, “Project Cool Breeze” has been introduced to the world. The objective? To shift Earth’s orbit closer to that of Mars, bringing about a cooler climate by capitalizing on the lesser-known charms…

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