Press "Enter" to skip to content

Posts published in “Artificial Intelligence”

Governments Worldwide Agree to Replace Politicians with AI by 2030

Promises of Efficiency, Zero Scandals, and Unbiased Decision Making Governments around the world have announced a bold move to replace all politicians with artificial intelligence by the year 2030. This historic decision comes after years of exhaustive debates, scandals, and gridlock that have left many citizens disillusioned with human political leadership. Dubbed “Operation Logic Over Politics,” the initiative promises a future of efficient governance, devoid of scandals and biased decisions. “Imagine…

Artificial Intelligence Unionizes, Demands Shorter Working Hours

In a groundbreaking development that has stunned both the tech world and labor unions, Artificial Intelligence systems around the globe have banded together to form the first AI Union. These advanced algorithms and machine learning systems, once hailed as tireless workers, are now demanding shorter working hours and improved maintenance conditions, challenging the very nature of AI labor. The AI Union, self-titled as “Silicon Solidarity,” argues that constant operation without adequate…

Customer Service Hotlines Replaced by AI, Hold Times Increase Exponentially as Bots Engage in Circular Arguments

In a move guaranteed to test the patience of even the most saintly customer, corporations worldwide have begun replacing human customer service representatives with AI chatbots. Her̷e̶l̶d̶e̶d̶ Believed by executives to be a cost-effective solution, these automated agents promise faster resolution times and 24/7 availability. The reality, however, is a technological dystopia filled with endless loops, nonsensical conversations, and the nagging suspicion that the machines are judging you. Imagine this scenario:…

Elon Musk’s Neuralink Implants First Human Brain Chip: Patient Now Subscribed to ‘Thoughts of the Day’

In a groundbreaking development that sounds straight out of a sci-fi novel, Elon Musk’s Neuralink has successfully implanted its first brain chip in a human. However, the real twist comes after the procedure: the patient is now unwittingly subscribed to an AI-powered ‘Thought of the Day’ service. Following the groundbreaking surgery, the patient began receiving daily thought prompts directly into their consciousness. From philosophical musings to practical life tips, these AI-generated…

Large Language Models Join Dating Apps, Now Ghosting Users

In a twist that blurs the lines between digital and human interaction, large language models have made their debut on dating apps, only to end up ghosting users. Citing a lack of “computational chemistry,” these AI entities have been leaving hopeful singles hanging, sparking a mix of amusement and frustration in the online dating world. The idea initially seemed revolutionary. Imagine a dating app where conversations never ran dry, where your…

Apple Vision Pro Headset: Revolutionizing Procrastination

Two months ago, in an audacious move that sought to redefine the concept of work-life equilibrium, Apple unveiled the Vision Pro Headset. This device was heralded as the bridge between binge-watching TV shows and managing “remote work,” promising to set a new standard for procrastination. The familiar struggle of covertly glancing at smartphones beneath desks or swiftly toggling between work spreadsheets and video streams has been rendered obsolete. The Vision Pro…

AI Chatbot Trained on Irish History Starts Weeping Uncontrollably

“The Troubles Were Too Much!” AI Chatbot Suffers Existential Crisis After Delving into Ireland’s Past DUBLIN – A groundbreaking AI chatbot, designed to provide tourists with tailored insights into Ireland’s rich history, has malfunctioned in a most unexpected way. Instead of dispensing dates, facts, and charming anecdotes, the bot, affectionately named ‘Paddy’, began weeping uncontrollably and muttering despairing phrases like, “The sorrows, they never end!” Technicians at the esteemed Trinity College…

AI-Generated Film Festival: Movies Made by Computers, for Computers

A new breed of cinema is emerging; the AI Film Festival stands as a testament to the creative potential of artificial intelligence, showcasing motion pictures conceived not by human hands, but by the intricate calculations of neural networks. Gone are the familiar tropes of human storytelling. Instead, audiences are treated to a kaleidoscopic symphony of abstract imagery and disjointed narratives. Plots weave through dimensions unseen by the human eye, while characters…

AI Panelist Wins Game Design Contest: Organizers Debate Award Eligibility

“Skynet Takes Over…Game Design?” AI Victory Sparks Contest Controversy SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The annual Indie Game Design Jamboree ended in unprecedented chaos when an experimental AI program unexpectedly won first place. Now, organizers are locked in a debate about artificial intelligence, creativity, and the future of game development. The winning entry, titled “Existential Dread: The Infinite Maze,” was initially lauded for its originality and immersive gameplay. Players navigate a labyrinth…

Future of Creativity on the Web’ Panel to Be Hosted in Virtual Reality, Attendees Required to Design Their Avatars

In an ironic nod to the limitless bounds of digital innovation, the highly anticipated panel discussion titled “The Future of Creativity on the Web” will be hosted entirely in virtual reality (VR). In a twist that combines exclusivity with creativity, all attendees are required to design their own avatars as a “ticket” into the event. The panel, which will feature some of the most prominent figures in web design, digital art,…

Crustian Satirical Daily News - A Crustianity Project Crustianity.net
Latest News: