Egypt Rebrands as “World’s Largest Open-Air Museum,” Charges Admission to the Entire Country

Last updated on April 11, 2024

Pharaohs Would Be Proud: Egypt Levies Entry Fee on Ancient Sand Dunes, Declares “It’s ALL a Museum”

In a bid to transform its economic woes into a treasure trove rivalling Tutankhamun’s tomb, Egypt has unveiled a bold new tourism strategy: the entire country is now one giant, open-air museum. Forget individual ticket prices for temples and pyramids; from now on, stepping foot on Egyptian soil comes with a hefty admission charge.

“Consider it an all-inclusive pass to millennia of history,” proclaims the Minister of Tourism, adjusting his sunglasses atop a backdrop of bewildered tourists fumbling for wallets. “The sand dunes? Archaeological wonders! That bustling Cairo street market? A vibrant exhibit of modern Egyptian life! Even the pigeons are historically significant descendants of the Pharaoh’s messenger birds!”

Travel agencies are scrambling to update their itineraries. Budget tours now include packed lunches and warnings against lengthy museum guide rants about papyrus-making techniques found in hieroglyphs on a discarded Coke can.

Naturally, the new policy has its detractors:

• Confused Locals: Cairo residents now must purchase monthly “resident passes” to prove they’re not suspiciously knowledgeable tourists attempting to blend in.
• Taxi Drivers Lament Lack of Unmetered Fares: “How am I supposed to justify a 500% surcharge to visit your aunt’s falafel stand now? The ‘authentic cultural experience’ excuse only works so many times.”
• Neighboring Countries Delighted: Jordan sees tourism spike as visitors opt for their smaller, less expensive collection of antiquities.

Despite the uproar, Egyptian officials are doubling down:

• “Museum Atmosphere Enhancement Initiatives”: Camel rides now include audio guides with dramatic reenactments of caravan journeys, strategically placed beggars charge “donation fees” to support their “Living History Exhibit.”
• “Pristine Artifact Preservation”: Tourists caught littering receive exorbitant “historical site restoration fines.”
• Partnership with Hollywood: Plans for a live-action remake of “The Mummy,” except every Brendan Fraser sighting is an upcharge, escape routes require solving Sphinx-themed riddles.

Social media explodes with satirical museum labels: “Traffic Jam: An Immersive Look at the Evolution of Frustration.” However, with revenues exceeding initial projections, other nations with history to spare are eyeing the strategy: Italy considers charging per cobblestone, while Greece starts mumbling about admission fees for scenic olive groves and suspiciously philosophical-looking stray cats.

Whether Egypt’s audacious plan marks a stroke of genius or a pyramid scheme of epic proportions remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure: the tourism industry just got a whole lot more historically dramatic, and the world a little more absurd.