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Posts published in “Egypt”

Egypt Rebrands as “World’s Largest Open-Air Museum,” Charges Admission to the Entire Country

Pharaohs Would Be Proud: Egypt Levies Entry Fee on Ancient Sand Dunes, Declares “It’s ALL a Museum” In a bid to transform its economic woes into a treasure trove rivalling Tutankhamun’s tomb, Egypt has unveiled a bold new tourism strategy: the entire country is now one giant, open-air museum. Forget individual ticket prices for temples and pyramids; from now on, stepping foot on Egyptian soil comes with a hefty admission charge.…

Egypt’s New Tourism Campaign: ‘Come for the Pyramids, Stay Because You’re Trapped in Gaza’

Cairo, Egypt – CSDN: In a bizarre twist of fate and diplomacy, Egypt has inadvertently launched a new tourism campaign that’s as honest as it is controversial. The tagline? “Come for the Pyramids, Stay Because You’re Trapped in Gaza.” In what appears to be a tongue-in-cheek nod to the current geopolitical tensions, Egypt is marketing itself as the ultimate destination for those looking to experience the authenticity of historical sieges, alongside…

Outraged Descendant of Pharaoh Demands Copyright Royalties From Every Mummy Movie Ever Made

The entertainment industry faces an unprecedented legal battle, as a man claiming to be the 53rd great-grandson of Tutankhamun demands copyright royalties for, well, basically every mummy movie ever made. Ramses Abdul-Aziz III, a Cairo-based insurance salesman with a striking resemblance to his heavily bandaged ancestor, has had it with the blatant exploitation of his family’s resemblance. “For centuries, Hollywood has profited off our likeness,” Ramses declares, clutching a dusty scroll…

Mummy Discovers Modern Egypt, Immediately Returns to Sarcophagus in Horror

In a shocking reversal of the usual horror trope, an ancient Egyptian mummy, resurrected after millennia through a dubious combination of archaeology and meddling tourists, has voluntarily returned to her sarcophagus. Citing modern Cairo’s traffic jams, aggressive street vendors, and confusing social norms as “unbearable,” Queen Hatchepsut III has declared the afterlife decidedly preferable. “I ruled over a vast empire, fought wars, built monuments…,” she muttered, ghostly voice thick with disappointment.…

Cairo Traffic So Bad, Ancient Chariots Now Considered the Fastest Way to Get Around

In a development that has archaeologists cheering and urban planners weeping, Cairo’s legendary traffic jams have reached a fever pitch so extreme that ancient Egyptian chariots are officially the fastest way to get around. Frustrated commuters, facing hours-long gridlock, are ditching their modern vehicles for the breezy efficiency of horse-drawn transportation. “My Toyota just sat there, baking in the sun, while some dude on a chariot whizzed past,” lamented a former…

Hieroglyphics Deciphered, Turns Out to be Mostly Complaints About Taxes

Ancient Egyptians: Not So Mysterious After All. Hieroglyphs Reveal Obsession with Taxes and Pigeons Archaeologists have made a groundbreaking discovery that shatters the mystique of Ancient Egypt. Turns out, those intricate hieroglyphics adorning temple walls and sarcophagi weren’t lofty odes to gods or epic tales of pharaohs, but mostly mundane complaints about taxes, lousy neighbors, and an alarming pigeon problem. “We always imagined these inscriptions were profound,” admits a bewildered Egyptologist,…

Aspiring Influencer Attempts to Stage Epic Selfie Atop Pyramid, Gets Arrested and Deported

An overly ambitious influencer learned a harsh lesson about cultural respect and the limitations of the phrase “Do it for the ‘Gram.” 22-year-old Ashley, known online as @AdventureAshley (with a dishearteningly low follower count), embarked on her “Egyptian Extravaganza” with a single goal: snag a selfie so epic it would break the internet and launch her into the influencer stratosphere. However, her chosen backdrop wasn’t a pristine beach or trendy cafe,…

Tutankhamun’s Tomb Listed on Airbnb: “Quaint, Cozy, and Definitely Not Cursed”

Forget 5-Star Hotels! Pharaoh’s Tomb Now Your Spookiest Airbnb Option Move over, trendy lofts and beachfront villas – ancient Egyptian burial chambers are the hottest new trend in the vacation rental market. Forget room service, Tutankhamun’s tomb promises an eternal stay and a side of potential curses for those seeking a truly unforgettable experience. The listing, which appeared on Airbnb with surprisingly few verification checks, describes the property as: Potential renters…

Irish Historian Discovers Evidence That the Pyramids Were Built by Spud Farmers on Holiday

CAIRO – A startling new discovery by Dr. Seamus O’Toole, an eccentric historian at Queen’s University Belfast, is poised to rock the archaeological world to its core. Dr. O’Toole claims to have found irrefutable evidence that the Pyramids of Giza were not the work of slaves or skilled laborers under the Pharaoh’s command, but rather boisterous Irish potato farmers enjoying a hard-earned holiday. “It’s all there in the carvings!” O’Toole exclaims,…

Egypt Strikes $8 Billion Deal with IMF: Plans to Invest in Pyramid Schemes

Egypt has secured an $8 billion IMF bailout package and has hinted at a shockingly unconventional investment strategy: pyramid schemes. Yes, those very same pyramid schemes typically associated with shady emails and easily duped relatives. “We’re taking inspiration from our ancestors,” declared Amr Moussa, a smooth-talking economic advisor with a penchant for flashy cufflinks and historical revisionism. “The pyramids were the original get-rich-quick scheme. Think about it – minimal upfront investment,…

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