In a twist of fate that’s both ironic and slightly alarming, a groundbreaking new study has revealed a shocking cure for insomnia: those dreaded, endlessly scrolling Terms and Conditions agreements. Apparently, the mind-numbing legalese and deliberately confusing language are powerful enough to lull even the most stubborn night owl into a peaceful slumber.
Researchers stumbled upon this phenomenon quite by accident. While studying sleep patterns, they noticed a curious trend: participants who claimed to regularly read Terms and Conditions agreements exhibited significantly lower instances of insomnia. Intrigued, they set up controlled experiments, and the results were startling.
Imagine this: a restless individual, tossing and turning at 2 a.m., instead of reaching for sleeping pills, fires up their laptop. They open a particularly dense privacy policy for a new app, ready to embark on a journey of convoluted legal jargon and nonsensical definitions. Within minutes, their eyes glaze over, eyelids grow heavy, and a deep sense of existential fatigue sets in.
Experts theorize that the sheer monotony of these documents, the way they drain any semblance of joy or understanding from the world, makes them the perfect antidote to a racing mind. It’s the cognitive equivalent of counting sheep, only far less interesting.
This discovery could revolutionize the sleep aid industry. Instead of melatonin and soothing teas, those suffering from insomnia might soon be prescribed a strong dose of “End User License Agreement” or a particularly complex “Cookie Policy”. Sleep clinics could transform into dimly lit rooms where patients curl up with weighty contracts instead of blankets.
Of course, there’s the potential for unintended side effects. People might wake up feeling disoriented, haunted by vague anxieties about data collection and mysterious clauses they don’t quite recall reading. And reading too many of these documents might lead to a deep cynicism about corporations and a strange aversion to ever downloading a new app again.
Yet, for those desperate for a good night’s sleep, perhaps this bizarre cure is a risk worth taking. After all, as any seasoned insomniac knows, sometimes the most effective solutions are also the strangest. So, if you’re lying awake, plagued by restless thoughts, consider surrendering to the monotony of a Terms and Conditions agreement – it might just be the trick to finally drift off to sleep.
Polly Tickle 
Dominick