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Posts published in “Northern Ireland”

DUP Agrees to New Brexit Deal After Discovering Treasure Map Hidden in Protocol Text

In a development that sounds like it’s straight off the pages of Robert Louis Stevenson’s “Treasure Island,” the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) has ended its long-standing boycott of Stormont. The driving force behind their unexpected return? A hidden treasure map, ingeniously concealed within the Brexit agreement’s tedious legal jargon. “Aye, it was amidst the meticulous wording on fisheries and commerce that we found it,” disclosed a DUP representative, brandishing what appeared…

EU to Install Toll Booth on Irish Sea Border: Special Rates for Ducks and Geese

In a move that could only make sense in the most surreal of bureaucratic dreams, the European Union has announced plans to install a toll booth on the Irish Sea border as part of its ongoing efforts to regulate post-Brexit trade. But it’s not just any toll booth – this one comes with a quirky twist: special discounted rates for ducks, geese, and presumably any other wildlife that might fancy a…

Stormont’s First Order of Business: Deciding Who Gets the Best Parking Spot

As the Northern Ireland Assembly resumes after a lengthy hiatus, the first order of business has unexpectedly turned into a critical debate not over policy or legislation, but over who gets the best parking spot. In a comedic twist to the solemnity usually associated with the reopening of Stormont, Members of the Legislative Assembly (MLAs) find themselves embroiled in a battle for prime parking real estate. “The fight for the top…

Northern Ireland Swaps Crown Jewels For Irish Potatoes

In a ceremony that’s bound to be etched in the annals of history for its sheer crustiness, Northern Ireland saw Michelle O’Neill, the Sinn Féin leader, being sworn in as its first Republican First Minister. But the real twist came when, in a move that left the audience blinking in disbelief, she exchanged the British Crown Jewels for a sack of Irish potatoes right at the altar of politics. This potato-for-jewels…

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