Psychologists Warn: Excessive Sarcasm May Lead to Reality Detachment

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Is Your Sarcasm Habit Turning You Into a Societal Menace? Psychologists Say Maybe

In news that will surprise exactly no one who has ever been the target of a particularly scathing sarcastic remark, psychologists warn of a disturbing new trend: sarcasm-induced reality detachment. Apparently, our collective love affair with irony and sardonic wit may be causing us to lose touch with, well, reality itself.

“We’re seeing an alarming increase in patients who can no longer distinguish between genuine compliments and thinly veiled insults,” warns Dr. Beatrice Stern, a therapist specializing in “extreme sarcasm disorder” (ESD). “They exist in a perpetual state of cynical amusement, where everything is a joke and nothing is sacred.”

The symptoms of ESD are as terrifying as they are hilarious. Sufferers often find themselves incapable of uttering a sincere statement without immediately following it with a sarcastic disclaimer. Imagine saying “That outfit looks…great? In a ‘wow, you really committed to that look’ kind of way,” with a side of exaggerated eye roll. Speaking of eye rolls, they become mistaken as actual expressions of endearment. Anything resembling genuine enthusiasm triggers a Pavlovian eye roll and scoff, even if triggered by a birthday celebration or frolicking puppies.

ESD patients experience a complete breakdown of emotional responses. Laughter, tears, genuine surprise? Nope. They’re stuck in an emotionally flat, beige landscape punctuated only by bursts of snarky quips.

The causes of ESD remain unclear. Experts point to the rise of internet memes, the deadpan delivery of our favorite sitcom characters, or simply the sheer exhaustion of living in a world that increasingly resembles a bad reality TV show.

“Sarcasm can be a coping mechanism,” admits Dr. Stern. “But too much of a good thing can lead to a complete detachment from sincerity and, frankly, a general unpleasantness to be around.”

So, what can be done? Dr. Stern prescribes a “Sarcasm Detox” program. ESD sufferers undertake an entire week of mandatory forced sincerity. That means at least five genuine compliments and expressing unadulterated joy at something – anything!- every day. Participation in a puppy cuddle therapy session is also on the agenda (studies show puppies are incapable of sarcasm, and their enthusiasm may be contagious). Finally, patients undergo a complete digital detox from social media, a breeding ground for sardonic wit and internet trolls.

The road to recovery from ESD is long and arduous, but with enough forced smiles and puppy snuggles, sarcasm addicts can hopefully be reintegrated into society as semi-functional, semi-sincere members.

But hey, if all else fails, there’s always the excuse, “I was just being sarcastic!” right? Just don’t be surprised if you get some serious side-eye in return.

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