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UN Security Council Admit to Using Dartboard to Determine Policy Directions

Last updated on March 18, 2024

In a shocking moment of self-awareness (or perhaps a strategic leak designed to make things seem less chaotic), several prominent members of the UN Security Council have admitted that a significant portion of their foreign policy decisions are determined entirely by chance. That’s right – your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen!

“It started as a joke,” confesses a remarkably candid French Foreign Minister. “One too many glasses of wine during a particularly tense SC summit, and someone brought out a tattered old dartboard. Next thing you know, we’re making determinations based on whether Jean-Claude can hit the bullseye – which, let’s face it, he never can.”

The world is reeling, simultaneously amused and terrified. Turns out, that sudden embargo on a tiny island nation known for its exotic pineapples? The result of an errant dart landing squarely on its cartographic representation. That perplexing new trade alliance with a notoriously unstable regime? Apparently, someone got a triple-20 while slightly inebriated.

Geopolitical analysts are in a frenzy, pouring over maps of the world with dartboards superimposed upon them. “Notice the concentration of holes around the Middle East,” remarks one particularly astute commentator. “Clearly, some tense nights fueled by too much coffee and an itchy dart-throwing finger.”

Here’s a breakdown of this new “Dartboard Diplomacy” method:

  • Giant Wall Map: The bigger the better. Continents become enticing targets, with small island nations facing a precarious existence.
  • The Dart Set: Not your average pub darts! These are weighted, color-coded, and possibly rigged depending on pre-negotiated backroom deals.
  • The “Diplomacy Drink”: Selections range from calming chamomile tea (unlikely to result in any drastic decisions) to nerve-jangling espresso – perfect for those “oops, did we just invade a sovereign nation?” moments

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