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Silicon Valley Solves Age-Old Problem: App Promises to Guilt You into Calling Your Mom

Last updated on March 7, 2024

Move over, self-driving cars and AI-powered chatbots. The latest innovation to emerge from the tech-fueled think tanks of Silicon Valley is… wait for it…an app specifically designed to call your mother. Yes, the very thing you’ve been meaning to do for approximately three weeks (or, let’s be honest, months) can now be automated!

Dubbed “Mom Guilt: The App,” this groundbreaking new technology leverages a potent blend of shame, passive-aggressive notifications, and a synthesized voice eerily similar to your mother’s disappointed sigh.

“We’re harnessing the power of guilt, an emotion hardwired into every millennial,” proclaims app developer, Steve Startup. “Forgot her birthday? Boom. Push notification reminding you how she carried you around for nine months, the least you could do is say hi.”

The app’s features are ruthlessly efficient, and psychologically manipulative. It monitors your call log, tracking how long it’s been since your last maternal chat. Need an extra push? It can scroll through your social media, triggering guilt based on how many cat videos you’ve liked compared to the last time you told your mom you love her.

Naturally, the app is an instant hit. “It’s the nagging I needed, but digital!” raves one guilt-ridden user. Moms everywhere are rejoicing, albeit suspiciously as they wonder why their children suddenly seem so uncharacteristically attentive.

Yet, there are critics. “Isn’t it sad that we need an app to remind us to connect with the people who love us?” questions concerned psychologist, Dr. Sonya Soulsearch. “This reinforces the idea that tech is a fix-all for genuine human relationships.”

Silicon Valley, always ahead of the curve, is already monetizing the guilt-trip. You can upgrade to premium versions of the app with customizable mom-voice nagging levels, and a partnership with flower delivery services for those moments when “Sorry for being a terrible offspring” just won’t cut it.

Whether “Mom Guilt: The App” fosters genuine connection or simply outsources your conscience to your smartphone remains to be seen. But one thing’s for certain: if you hear a robotic voice faintly reminding you to eat your vegetables and wear a sweater, you’d best do as it says. You know Mom Bot means business.

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