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Egypt Strikes $8 Billion Deal with IMF: Plans to Invest in Pyramid Schemes

Last updated on March 7, 2024

Egypt has secured an $8 billion IMF bailout package and has hinted at a shockingly unconventional investment strategy: pyramid schemes. Yes, those very same pyramid schemes typically associated with shady emails and easily duped relatives.

“We’re taking inspiration from our ancestors,” declared Amr Moussa, a smooth-talking economic advisor with a penchant for flashy cufflinks and historical revisionism. “The pyramids were the original get-rich-quick scheme. Think about it – minimal upfront investment, self-replicating structure, and a guaranteed afterlife*, at least for the Pharaohs.” (*Afterlife benefits not guaranteed in the modern iteration.)

While the IMF seems surprisingly open to this pyramid-based revival plan, economists are flabbergasted. “This is beyond risky, it’s downright pharaonic!” exclaimed Dr. Maya Dismayed, a noted expert on financial fiascos. “Pyramid schemes aren’t sustainable, they’re destined to collapse, leaving everyone buried at the bottom, sans riches and likely sans mummy privileges.”

Undeterred, Egypt is already workshopping pyramid-themed marketing slogans. “Invest in your destiny!” one slogan cheerfully proclaims, alongside an image of a pyramid constructed with suspiciously dollar-bill-shaped blocks. Social media influencers, initially hired to promote new pharaoh-themed makeup palettes, are being hastily re-trained in the art of pyramid-scheme recruitment.

The potential fallout is as grand as the pyramids themselves. The Louvre is bracing for a surge in demands for the return of “stolen” Egyptian artifacts, as desperate investors seek anything of value to pawn. Meanwhile, angry crowds in Giza are demanding answers. “Great, now instead of tourists gawking at our wonders, we’ll have hordes of pyramid scheme victims demanding refunds?” lamented one beleaguered camel tour operator.

Whether this gamble will yield a new golden age for Egypt or simply bury the economy under the sands of bad investment remains to be seen. One thing’s for certain: the IMF is about to have its most interesting audit yet, and those mummies? They might be getting some very disgruntled new roommates.

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